Don't buy her flowers
And other interesting stuff I read this week that I thought you might like too.
After several queries from male associates regarding the gifting of flowers for Valentine’s Day, I wish to share some thoughts.
Every girl loves flowers. The girl who says she hates flowers? She still loves flowers - just the chill ones in cellophane you got at the supermarket for $12, not the crazy bouquets that cost the equivalent of a good Lego set and make her feel like she’s expensive and high-maintenance to be with (it’s me, I’m that girl.)
However, there are two times you should never get a girl flowers: when you’re in the doghouse and on Valentine’s Day. The reason is the same for both - it’s the biggest cop-out.
Flowers are the lazy person’s gift. Handing someone a bouquet on Valentine’s Day is like saying, “Here’s a bunch of glorified produce that I was socially conditioned into buying for you.”
The other 364 days of the year, any type of flowers just says, “Hey, I’m a chill guy out here doing my best and was thinking of you” and will earn you stickers for your star chart. On Valentine’s Day though, what she’s going to think is a different story…
Roses
The go-to flower for people who have no imagination. If the bunch is too big, you risk her thinking you’re either about to propose or cheating. And don’t think you’re clever by switching to yellow or white roses - those mean friendship and purity which is weird.Carnations
They’re the floral equivalent of Worcestershire sauce - nothing technically wrong with them, a sturdy staple that’s presence in her home may even outlive you. If they’re dyed blue, she’s going to know you ran out of time and got them at a Four Square.Lilies
These are funeral flowers. Unless your Valentine is a cute goth girl, maybe don’t hand them a bouquet that says, “I associate you with death.”Hydrangeas
Somehow, in a bunch, they always look fake, as if they came out of a poorly decorated Airbnb. Hydrangeas mean, “I don’t know you well enough to pick something personal, but my mum grows these at her place, I think.”Orchids
Let me guess: you saw orchids and thought, Fancy! Exotic! Guess what? They require meticulous care and perfect conditions, which is basically setting your Valentine up for failure and telling her, “I put you on an unrealistically high pedestal - good luck!”Peonies
These were the favourite flowers of a flatmate I had whose boyfriend got them for her all the time to mask that he wasn’t that interesting. You see, you can do that with a flower this pretty and this expensive. But much like that relationship, they’re fragile, temperamental, and wilt the second you look at them wrong. You’re telling her she’s high maintenance.Dandelions
No one actually gives dandelions, but imagine if they did? “Here, I picked these from my neighbour’s lawn. They’re symbolic of how much effort I’m putting into this relationship.”Daisies
Cute. Sweet. Innocent. Are you dating a toddler? No? Then skip the daisies unless you want your Valentine to wonder if they’re being softly friend-zoned.Sunflowers
Unless your Valentine is a farmer (the dream), sunflowers don’t belong in a romantic bouquet. Giving sunflowers on Valentine’s Day says, “I saw these and thought of a rustic wedding Pinterest board I hope you’re curating in secret for us.”
Any other day of the year, buy the special women in your life flowers - all the time, with no reason at all. But on Valentine’s Day, my advice is: show her you know her.
Weekly reads
The Cruel Kids’ Table by Brock Colyar for New York Magazine. A deep dives into the next-gen, post-MAGA conservative crowd celebrating Trump’s second inauguration. Many of these twenty-somethings are disillusioned ex-liberals, united in their love of free speech, disdain for identity politics, and a shared belief that being anti-woke is a trending cultural movement.
Knowing What Your Colleagues Earn from The Economist. Interesting thoughts on the pros and cons of pay transparency.
The 13th Edition Of The New Zealand Retirement Expenditure Guidelines from Financial Advice New Zealand, in partnership with Massey University’s Financial Education and Research Centre. A core concern in retirement planning is this fear of outliving your savings. A pensioner living a 'no frills', very basic lifestyle in Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch needs $687.84 a week to get by. With the pension paying out $519.47, that leaves them with a $168.37 weekly shortfall. Say they retire at 65 and live to 90, that calls for a cash reserve of $183,000. Here’s a wider breakdown.
How Kobe Bryant Helped Grow Women’s Hoops, Another Layer In A Complicated Legacy by Marcus Thompson for The New York Times. The ultimate girl-dad and ally, following his illustrious NBA career, Bryant dedicated himself to mentoring female athletes. His active involvement and advocacy put women's basketball on the map.
As a matter of balance I feel compelled to share this piece too; Kobe Bryant And The Sexual Assault Case That Was Dropped But Not Forgotten by Kevin Draper.
The Cloud Under The Sea by Josh Dzieza for The Verge. Even dorkier than having read that whole report on retirement savings was this ridiculously long piece on how the internet is maintained! Genuinely FASCINATING.
Stat of the week
A topical one. Whatever your opinion on how fast people should drive on our roads, there is one fact that is undeniable – speed will determine the seriousness of the outcome of any crash. Slower speeds do save lives.
Something living in my head rent free
When out for ice cream, does anyone actually end up ordering a scoop of the flavour of ice cream they ask to try?
Video of the week
Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl Performance a lot of it went over my head, but this excellent commentary on it, I completely understood.
Podcasts of the week
Alexander The Grate On Life As An NFA from Conversations with Tyler. This interview is wonderfully chaotic. Alexander has lived without permanent shelter for 40 years, and speaks deeply of transient nature of stability. A point raised that I’d never thought about is the insecurity of not know where your next bathroom might be.
Things We Forget Are Normal from Two Broke Chicks. I used to be a casual dabbler in this podcast now I listen most weeks. It’s light, fun and feels like you’re talking smack with friends. This is a good episode to get a feel for it.
The Panel from RNZ. I was a guest on this weeks show and shared some stats on the harrowing state of the dating market (for example, there are more men aged 18-35 living with their parents than with a partner or spouse right now) and received some serious hate mail for my remarks on how depressing the state of singledom is. There are apparently a lot of women out there very happy being alone.
Riddle of the week
If Sarah’s daughter is my daughters mother, what am I to Sarah?
Fact of the week
A million seconds is 11 days, but a billion seconds is 32 years. I thought this was a great analogy from my sister Pip to help you understand how much richer a billionaire is than a millionaire.
Happy reading,
Maddy xx
P.S. I stumbled across this today all set up in Coventry Garden ready for tomorrow. For the right girl (again me), it is the only exception to the no flowers on Valentines Day rule.